My Comfort List

Wow... have you ever got to the point in a self-help book when you wanted to close slam the chapter shut?  Throw the book out the window?   Put the book on the bottom of your massive reading pile?

Today was the beginning of week 4 in my journaling workshop with Brene Brown.  I truly enjoy listening to Brene speak and as the words rolled off her tongue, I listened, engaged and became frustrated all at the same time.  This is really tough stuff.  This week we are differentiating between numbing and comforting ourselves.  The assignment was to do a series of collages... answering the following questions:

1.  What things trigger you to want to numb/comfort?
2.  What do you do to numb/comfort?
3.  What does comfort look like for you - create a comfort list.

I am doing this workshop with my husband, so I have built in accountability and he doesn't let me answer anything half way.  I guess doing anything like this with your spouse takes a filter and the ability to hide away.

So below you will see my journal entries.  They are not pretty!
I will break it down!

My biggest triggers!:
*Not having enough money.
*Feeling like there is too much pressing on my time, and that I am not enough.
*Feeling like I should earn more money.
*Fear!
*Feeling like I am unlucky or the risks I take don't pan out.

My top numbing activities!:
*Work harder.
*Run away - emotionally retreat inside myself, my house or even my bedroom.
*Over help others to make me feel better.
*Shop
*Over establish myself by being:  over-independent, controlling, defiant and angry.

How do I comfort myself?:
*I love to learn.
*I love to put my house in order and have my environment clean and neat.
*I love being with my family - just being!
*I love road trips - long rides, long talks, laughing, feeling heard.
*Creativity and breathing!

Self-Compassion

I am deep into the 3rd week of my on-line journaling class.  Wow, have I been challenged on many levels with looking deep into my behaviors, my history and my patterns.

This week we were tasked to find a picture of ourselves where we were "not doing well" and think of the things we wished we had said to "that person."  I really struggled to find a picture.  I found two pictures.  One when I was 18 months old.  I was surprised to see so much fear, shyness and unhappiness in my face and in my eyes as a young child.  Then I found another picture, of me as an adult, where I was looking over my shoulder.  Literally you could see the fear, question and an unsafe sense about me. 

When I answered the journaling question, "what would I say to myself back then," I said things like:

*Don't be afraid.
*You don't have to run away.
*God created you - beautiful (Ecclesiastes 13:11)
*Its OK to want to be protected.

My journaling activities have now settled down from my head to my heart.  Kristin Neff a professor from The University of Texas has created a self-compassion scale.  Self-Compassion.org.  I took the survey today and found that my self-compassion is pretty good.  But what I discovered about Christ centered-Self-compassion truly surprised me.

I've adapted Dr. Neff's three elements of self-compassion and had my eyes widened to the wisdom and value of God's word:

1.  Self-kindness:  God knew and implanted value in human beings when he said they were very good.  He designed us in His own image, to be completely LOVED by Him and then to share that LOVE with one another.
Christ says in three gospels:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.  Mark 12:30-31

2.   Common Humanity:  God knows that we are all struggling in this broken planet with hope of one day being rescued and restored.  "For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one also hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.  Romans 18:18-25"

3.  Mindfulness:  Paul one of Christ's preachers wrote about bringing the mind into captivity.  He warned of the danger of allowing our thoughts to run in every direction.  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5

In my attempt to Live Christ's Compassion through me - I am choosing to assume the best not the worst of a situation and to believe that with God's strength and peace I can withstand when the worst comes!

The Elijah Project For Life....

Over the past year I have been teaching The Elijah Project in a bunch of different settings.  Every time I teach through an activity I participate in it myself.  What I have come to realize is that regular introspective work keeps me healthy.  Today, my husband (Perry) and I started an online art journalling class with Brene Brown.

I thought I would share my journal journey with you.  Today's assignment was to "give yourself permission."  It has actually been a great activity.  Perry and I spent the morning chatting about what we needed permission to say or do - for ourselves, in our marriage, as a parent, at church and at play.  When it finally got to the point of opening my art journal to write, draw and paint... this is came out.

... I CAN... share with you all my journey and hope that it sparks conversation.  What is it that you need to give yourself permission to do today?

But..... How Do I Stay in the Moment?

With another season of Elijah Project classes wrapping up... I have been contemplating the question:  "How do I stay in the moment when there is so much to get done for the future?"  This is a great question.  This is a real question.  This is a conundrum for me, the type A, over-achiever.

While taking a walk this week and literally experienced the answer.  As I walked along the sidewalk yellow, red and orange leaves crunched under my feet.  I gasped a little as I was overwhelmed with the Season changing.  My mind quickly rushed ahead into the future,  thinking of no leaves, snow covered ground and cold.  I spent a minute in the future.  As I continued to walk I began to sweat.  I became so warm that I took off my fleece sweatshirt.  The sun on my cheeks made me think of the summer.  My thoughts fleeted to the past: sun bathing at the pool.  I spent a minute in the past.  Then I thought - Today is beautiful.  Today is warm.  Today the leaves still remain on the trees and hte sun still hangs in the sky.  This moment is a gift!

How easy it is to backwards or to go forwards.  God invites us to be with Him this moment and enjoy TODAY!

LOVE!

My kids, my parents and myself are on a vacation in Lancaster, PA.  We are staying in a small hotel in the city of "Bird-in-Hand."  During our stay we have learned a lot about the Amish and Mennonite culture.  The last time I visited Lancaster, I was a sopho
more in High School.  I guess back then I didn't have an appreciation for a culture that values others more than the individual and emphasizes peace, love and contemplation.  The Amish people seek to look like Christ.  They de-emphasize themselves.  The honor the young and the old.  They treasure the land.  They care for one another.  And they don't do it because they are "so smart" ... they do it because they live by the principles Jesus left for us.  They live to look like Christ.

Riding through the hillsides of Pennsylvania, admiring gardens, hand made barns and quilts brought a penetrating peace.  I realized that I worry about myself and my needs way too much.  I'm reading a book called:  "If You Bite & Devour One Another."  Today while my kids splashed in the pool and the local Amish farmer was watering his field by horse and buggy, I read the amazing words of Paul the Apostle.  He wrote the following to the Corinthians:  "Love is patient and kind;  love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way;  it is not irritable or resentful;  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."  I Cor. 13:4-7

The Amish dress differently and have separated themselves from the culture around them.  They look different and they live by the simple principle:  Love God and Love others.  Living this way we find ourselves in a spirit of love and peace.  We are more centered and contemplative and value community.  God's way truly change the way we live.  We treat others differently and in turn we look different in the world around us.  I may not wear Amish garb, but I desire to live in peace and love with those around me.  I pray that my "inner" light would shine through my English dress.

Living the Elijah Project: What is your BroomTree?

What is your BroomTree saying?
Yesterday I celebrated my 41rst Birthday.  Admittedly I didn't spend much time thinking.  I had two Birthday gatherings - lunch and dinner.  I celebrated a lot.  But along with "Happy Birthday", I received one universal comment:  "You look tired!"  It was a funny comment since one of my Birthday gifts was to sleep in while my husband put the kids on the bus!

I guess what really bothered me about the universal sentiment:  "you look tired" is that I felt tired.  I felt tired both physically and emotionally.  I had a lot of fun during the day... but I kept thinking how can I make the whirlwind of my life stop.

I did a little accounting in my head.  I have 3 major responsibilities before I get to go on vacation with my husband next week.  Although there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm only half way through the tunnel.

So, after a great day of celebration, I crawled into bed with a new book:  Stress Relief for Life by Dr. Mike Ronsisvalle.   Dr. Mike calls what I was feeling chronic stress.  And he believes it has been present since the Fall in the Garden of Eden.  It is not Gods design or desire but chronic stress is part of our broken existence.  Those words were somehow validating.  He also asserts that with God we can have "peace that passes understanding."  Dr. Ronsisvalle's words gave empirical research to back up many of my hunches and theories.

Satan seeks to destroy peace.  God desires to give peace.  Elijah's BroomTree was a space of quiet, rest and rejuvenation.  Although Elijah was separated from people, he was united with God.  Today God urges me to carve out time at my BroomTree.  Satan will throw up all sorts of road blocks.  He will delight in my distractions  Those distractions will lead to disconnection from God and fear  of approaching Him.  But God waits... as steady as an Oak Tree.  He will wait for me to curl up and unload under His sturdy branches.

My BroomTree is saying:  Come and I will give you rest.  Come, I see your exhaustion!  Come, my yoke is easy and my burden is light!  Come!

Living the Elijah Project: An anti-gravity chair for your soul!

This week at the Elijah Project group, we talked about finding a BroomTree.  Part of the conversation that emerged as we looked at our "who am I" picture was a sense that our hearts are often in need of care.

In the last blog, I talked about first aid for the soul.  This week I want to entertain the idea of supporting our hearts when they hurt.  One of our group members described it this way.  She said:  "I feel like my heart needs a sling."  As we were discussing our BroomTree... many in the group mentioned sitting on their porch or outside, listening to the birds, and sipping coffee or ice tea.  There is something about being outside engulfed in fresh air, hearing the stillness of nature that is healing.

Do you know what an anti-gravity chair is? anti-gravity sling for the soul.  What would that look like?  Using the force and inertia in our body and mind to actually hold our hearts up long enough to heal.

Many people are buying them for their decks and enjoying the feeling of hanging in the balance of the airodynamic technology.  As a group we laughed imagining an anti-gravity chair for our soul's.  For the sake of this blog, I will call it an

I believe there are some definitive steps to construct an anti-gravity sling for the soul.
When your hearts feel injured, fragile and precariously balanced... here is my advice:

*Look at who you are spending most of your time with?  
**Are you spending too much time alone?  If so, step in the direction of the safest, most loving and gentle person in your life.
**Are you spending time with people but constantly feel exhuasted?  Stop spending time with people who take and rest in the relationships that are mutual or the friends and family who have something to give you... right now!


*Stop Something?
**Think about soething you did in the last week that sucked the life out of you.  Stop or move away from those things.
***Put a time limit on a difficult client and get off the phone quicker than you have before.
***Leave work 15 minutes earlier than you did this past week. 
***Turn off your phone and car stereo for the ride home from work.


*Look at how your life is balanced?
**Spend at least 5 minutes a day doing something for you... reading, a bath, journal writing, a walk, etc.  Once you start it won't end at 5 minutes.

**Get some sleep.  Cancel a commitment or turn of the t.v..  Go to bed 8 hours before you need to get up.  I guarantee you will feel better after a good nights sleep.

I think you will be amazed how your heart feels when you care for it.  
Find the unique anti-gravity sling like activites for your soul.

This is your BroomTree for this week!