My Comfort List

Wow... have you ever got to the point in a self-help book when you wanted to close slam the chapter shut?  Throw the book out the window?   Put the book on the bottom of your massive reading pile?

Today was the beginning of week 4 in my journaling workshop with Brene Brown.  I truly enjoy listening to Brene speak and as the words rolled off her tongue, I listened, engaged and became frustrated all at the same time.  This is really tough stuff.  This week we are differentiating between numbing and comforting ourselves.  The assignment was to do a series of collages... answering the following questions:

1.  What things trigger you to want to numb/comfort?
2.  What do you do to numb/comfort?
3.  What does comfort look like for you - create a comfort list.

I am doing this workshop with my husband, so I have built in accountability and he doesn't let me answer anything half way.  I guess doing anything like this with your spouse takes a filter and the ability to hide away.

So below you will see my journal entries.  They are not pretty!
I will break it down!

My biggest triggers!:
*Not having enough money.
*Feeling like there is too much pressing on my time, and that I am not enough.
*Feeling like I should earn more money.
*Fear!
*Feeling like I am unlucky or the risks I take don't pan out.

My top numbing activities!:
*Work harder.
*Run away - emotionally retreat inside myself, my house or even my bedroom.
*Over help others to make me feel better.
*Shop
*Over establish myself by being:  over-independent, controlling, defiant and angry.

How do I comfort myself?:
*I love to learn.
*I love to put my house in order and have my environment clean and neat.
*I love being with my family - just being!
*I love road trips - long rides, long talks, laughing, feeling heard.
*Creativity and breathing!

Self-Compassion

I am deep into the 3rd week of my on-line journaling class.  Wow, have I been challenged on many levels with looking deep into my behaviors, my history and my patterns.

This week we were tasked to find a picture of ourselves where we were "not doing well" and think of the things we wished we had said to "that person."  I really struggled to find a picture.  I found two pictures.  One when I was 18 months old.  I was surprised to see so much fear, shyness and unhappiness in my face and in my eyes as a young child.  Then I found another picture, of me as an adult, where I was looking over my shoulder.  Literally you could see the fear, question and an unsafe sense about me. 

When I answered the journaling question, "what would I say to myself back then," I said things like:

*Don't be afraid.
*You don't have to run away.
*God created you - beautiful (Ecclesiastes 13:11)
*Its OK to want to be protected.

My journaling activities have now settled down from my head to my heart.  Kristin Neff a professor from The University of Texas has created a self-compassion scale.  Self-Compassion.org.  I took the survey today and found that my self-compassion is pretty good.  But what I discovered about Christ centered-Self-compassion truly surprised me.

I've adapted Dr. Neff's three elements of self-compassion and had my eyes widened to the wisdom and value of God's word:

1.  Self-kindness:  God knew and implanted value in human beings when he said they were very good.  He designed us in His own image, to be completely LOVED by Him and then to share that LOVE with one another.
Christ says in three gospels:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.  Mark 12:30-31

2.   Common Humanity:  God knows that we are all struggling in this broken planet with hope of one day being rescued and restored.  "For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one also hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.  Romans 18:18-25"

3.  Mindfulness:  Paul one of Christ's preachers wrote about bringing the mind into captivity.  He warned of the danger of allowing our thoughts to run in every direction.  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5

In my attempt to Live Christ's Compassion through me - I am choosing to assume the best not the worst of a situation and to believe that with God's strength and peace I can withstand when the worst comes!