Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Twinkle Lights for the Soul



Brene Brown paints a beautiful picture of stringing twinkle lights in the swamp land of your soul. In this way the path is lit so we can find your way back to our wound. In college my social work professor Sybil Coleman likened soul work to weeding a garden. We begin at one end of the strawberry patch and by the time we get to the other side the weeds are resurfacing where we started.

Over the past few weeks I have been "weeding my garden" and "hanging up twinkle lights" in my soul. The process has been scary, frustrating, bewildering, tiring and sad. And.. it has been freeing, exhilarating, clarifying and exciting. Every few days I have taken a hold of my string of lights, armed with a journal and my Bible, and followed the thread back down into the dark.

On Saturday I finally had the guts to speak the humiliating memory I had journal led about during the week. My friend looked at me and said: "You are afraid of being EXPOSED!" With her words hanging in the air - God said: "I am light, and there is no darkness in Him at all." I John 1:5b

In an instant the Holy Spirit became the "twinkle lights in my soul." God says He will never leave us nor forsake us, so by welcoming the Holy Spirit into the swamp land of my soul, I am not longer alone. I have the power of light casting out all darkness, fear and shame.

Friday, March 16, 2012

The Lone Wolf


This winter our family went tubing (As highlighted in "The Truth"). We were the first few people on the mountain when the tubing hill opened. The snow guards gave us lots of extra attention and allowed us to combine tubes. For the first few trips down the mountain we went in different combinations. Mom and the girls, Dad and the girls, Mom or Dad with each girl.... For the first hour we asked our son to join us as a group. He refused our invitation saying: "I'm a lone wolf."

This became our expression. The four of us were a wolf pack and pleaded to invite the lone wolf to join us. At the bottom of the hill when the snow guard would tether us to the tow rope we would ask and he replied: "No, I'm a lone wolf."

As the tubing experience continued we created quite a path on the snow. Our family of four became very competitive trying to position our tubes in such a way that we would fly down the hill and beat our last distance. It had become apparent that adding a fifth wolf to our pack would in deed help us achieve our goal. I can't remember what turned the tide but the lone wolf finally agreed to join the pack and that slide was indeed, the fastest, funnest and longest ride of the day. At the end our daughter looked at our son and said: "Isn't it great to be part of a pack."

I think this is a great analogy for life. It only takes a few emotionally wounding experiences to encourage us to break out of the pack and become of loner. Statistics show that loneliness leads to dissatisfaction at home and work, depression and even suicide. The lesson is... get connected. Take a risk! Join a wolf pack!

Ringing The Bell


Wisconsin has been gifted with an early spring. Yesterday my daughter had her first bike ride as a 5 year old in 2012. I walked while she rode and I observed a most interesting phenomena. When she would approach an on-coming biker or walker she would ring her bell incessantly. She would ring her bell right up onto the other person. The pedestrian would then need to veer out of her way. I ran to catch her and suggested that she needed to stay in her lane. Her response: "But Mom I rang my bell." This gave me an opportunity to bring a gentle lesson in proper bike riding etiquette.

This experience got me thinking. People sometimes run over others with their words. In Taledega Nights, Ricky Bobby prefaced his difficult conversations with "In all due respect." At one point there is a show down when the other character says: "You can't just start your sentence that way and say anything you want." In order to achieve intimacy with others, people need to feel safe. When we feel defensive we close up. Whether your goal is friendship, courting or sexual intimacy - safety and openness is the key.

Next time you ring your bell, don't run the other person over. Pay attention to body language, listen to your companion, and keep an open posture. Believe me, you will see success!

Tip: Watch where your hands are when you are talking to a friend, family member or spouse. When I am conscious of my hands, I then tip my palms up. This automatically puts me in a open posture. The results may amaze you!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Truth

For years my husband has asked me to go skiing. I don't really know why I balked. Partly my rejection was financial... skiing is too expensive for our family. Partly for fear of injury... with limited insurance for broken bones. But ultimately I don't know why I hesitated.

When we started our family I had a vision. I was going to buy Gap and Gymborie clothes. We wouldn't leave home unless we looked like a postcard. Of course now I can't get my twelve year old son to wear a colored shirt if his life depended on it. And we don't have a Gymborie retailer within 3 hours of our home. I think skiing fit into that same vision. One day when we arrived (financially) we would have matching winter gear, so when we swooshed down the hill everyone would recognize our family as "having it all together."

So, last week I had an opportunity to look the skiing demon in the face. On Tuesday our family went skiing at Christmas Mountain Village in the Wisconsin Dells. The first plan was for the girls to ski with Dad while my son and I had some bonding time. At the base of the mountain after a million failed attempts to use the tow rope, our son decided he wanted to ski (to show the girls how it was done). So, I stood at the tow rope and picked up one kid after another and connected the kids with Dad or the rope to travel up and down the short bunny hill. There was very little swishing and no coordination - of outfits or body parts.

Later that evening while sitting in the outdoor hot tub, my husband shared that the day had not met his expectation. The one trip past the bunny hill was met with fear on the narrow icy paths of the hill. He explained that he had a vision of the snow falling, caressing the girls faces as they joyfully glided down the hill. Instead he was met by terrified expressions and frozen tears.

On Friday, our family spent the afternoon tubing. The weather was perfect. 38 degrees and light snow fall. The ski staff allowed folks to join their tubes together and go down the hill together. We got the "Polnaszek Glide-On" and found a rhythm as we slid down the mountain. Toward the end of our tubing adventure I was confronted with the truth. My tube led the way up the tow rope and looking down I saw mismatched, worn-out, wet and weathered snow gear. My youngest wearing a blaze orange ski mask, blue coat, red gloves and purple snow pants - we were a sight. The truth is our family is a tubing family. We laughed, joined hands, closed our eyes and sped down the hill. True joy on our faces and complete abandon as the snow surrounded our faces. The truth is that our family, dressed as vagabonds had fun and left our dream of ski bunny status on the hill! The truth is... we are REAL! We have unrealized expectations. We have dreams that don't come true. And we grow closer to each other as we travel through this messy journey called life together.