My Comfort List

Wow... have you ever got to the point in a self-help book when you wanted to close slam the chapter shut?  Throw the book out the window?   Put the book on the bottom of your massive reading pile?

Today was the beginning of week 4 in my journaling workshop with Brene Brown.  I truly enjoy listening to Brene speak and as the words rolled off her tongue, I listened, engaged and became frustrated all at the same time.  This is really tough stuff.  This week we are differentiating between numbing and comforting ourselves.  The assignment was to do a series of collages... answering the following questions:

1.  What things trigger you to want to numb/comfort?
2.  What do you do to numb/comfort?
3.  What does comfort look like for you - create a comfort list.

I am doing this workshop with my husband, so I have built in accountability and he doesn't let me answer anything half way.  I guess doing anything like this with your spouse takes a filter and the ability to hide away.

So below you will see my journal entries.  They are not pretty!
I will break it down!

My biggest triggers!:
*Not having enough money.
*Feeling like there is too much pressing on my time, and that I am not enough.
*Feeling like I should earn more money.
*Fear!
*Feeling like I am unlucky or the risks I take don't pan out.

My top numbing activities!:
*Work harder.
*Run away - emotionally retreat inside myself, my house or even my bedroom.
*Over help others to make me feel better.
*Shop
*Over establish myself by being:  over-independent, controlling, defiant and angry.

How do I comfort myself?:
*I love to learn.
*I love to put my house in order and have my environment clean and neat.
*I love being with my family - just being!
*I love road trips - long rides, long talks, laughing, feeling heard.
*Creativity and breathing!

Self-Compassion

I am deep into the 3rd week of my on-line journaling class.  Wow, have I been challenged on many levels with looking deep into my behaviors, my history and my patterns.

This week we were tasked to find a picture of ourselves where we were "not doing well" and think of the things we wished we had said to "that person."  I really struggled to find a picture.  I found two pictures.  One when I was 18 months old.  I was surprised to see so much fear, shyness and unhappiness in my face and in my eyes as a young child.  Then I found another picture, of me as an adult, where I was looking over my shoulder.  Literally you could see the fear, question and an unsafe sense about me. 

When I answered the journaling question, "what would I say to myself back then," I said things like:

*Don't be afraid.
*You don't have to run away.
*God created you - beautiful (Ecclesiastes 13:11)
*Its OK to want to be protected.

My journaling activities have now settled down from my head to my heart.  Kristin Neff a professor from The University of Texas has created a self-compassion scale.  Self-Compassion.org.  I took the survey today and found that my self-compassion is pretty good.  But what I discovered about Christ centered-Self-compassion truly surprised me.

I've adapted Dr. Neff's three elements of self-compassion and had my eyes widened to the wisdom and value of God's word:

1.  Self-kindness:  God knew and implanted value in human beings when he said they were very good.  He designed us in His own image, to be completely LOVED by Him and then to share that LOVE with one another.
Christ says in three gospels:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.  Mark 12:30-31

2.   Common Humanity:  God knows that we are all struggling in this broken planet with hope of one day being rescued and restored.  "For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one also hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.  Romans 18:18-25"

3.  Mindfulness:  Paul one of Christ's preachers wrote about bringing the mind into captivity.  He warned of the danger of allowing our thoughts to run in every direction.  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  2 Corinthians 10:5

In my attempt to Live Christ's Compassion through me - I am choosing to assume the best not the worst of a situation and to believe that with God's strength and peace I can withstand when the worst comes!

The Elijah Project For Life....

Over the past year I have been teaching The Elijah Project in a bunch of different settings.  Every time I teach through an activity I participate in it myself.  What I have come to realize is that regular introspective work keeps me healthy.  Today, my husband (Perry) and I started an online art journalling class with Brene Brown.

I thought I would share my journal journey with you.  Today's assignment was to "give yourself permission."  It has actually been a great activity.  Perry and I spent the morning chatting about what we needed permission to say or do - for ourselves, in our marriage, as a parent, at church and at play.  When it finally got to the point of opening my art journal to write, draw and paint... this is came out.

... I CAN... share with you all my journey and hope that it sparks conversation.  What is it that you need to give yourself permission to do today?

But..... How Do I Stay in the Moment?

With another season of Elijah Project classes wrapping up... I have been contemplating the question:  "How do I stay in the moment when there is so much to get done for the future?"  This is a great question.  This is a real question.  This is a conundrum for me, the type A, over-achiever.

While taking a walk this week and literally experienced the answer.  As I walked along the sidewalk yellow, red and orange leaves crunched under my feet.  I gasped a little as I was overwhelmed with the Season changing.  My mind quickly rushed ahead into the future,  thinking of no leaves, snow covered ground and cold.  I spent a minute in the future.  As I continued to walk I began to sweat.  I became so warm that I took off my fleece sweatshirt.  The sun on my cheeks made me think of the summer.  My thoughts fleeted to the past: sun bathing at the pool.  I spent a minute in the past.  Then I thought - Today is beautiful.  Today is warm.  Today the leaves still remain on the trees and hte sun still hangs in the sky.  This moment is a gift!

How easy it is to backwards or to go forwards.  God invites us to be with Him this moment and enjoy TODAY!

LOVE!

My kids, my parents and myself are on a vacation in Lancaster, PA.  We are staying in a small hotel in the city of "Bird-in-Hand."  During our stay we have learned a lot about the Amish and Mennonite culture.  The last time I visited Lancaster, I was a sopho
more in High School.  I guess back then I didn't have an appreciation for a culture that values others more than the individual and emphasizes peace, love and contemplation.  The Amish people seek to look like Christ.  They de-emphasize themselves.  The honor the young and the old.  They treasure the land.  They care for one another.  And they don't do it because they are "so smart" ... they do it because they live by the principles Jesus left for us.  They live to look like Christ.

Riding through the hillsides of Pennsylvania, admiring gardens, hand made barns and quilts brought a penetrating peace.  I realized that I worry about myself and my needs way too much.  I'm reading a book called:  "If You Bite & Devour One Another."  Today while my kids splashed in the pool and the local Amish farmer was watering his field by horse and buggy, I read the amazing words of Paul the Apostle.  He wrote the following to the Corinthians:  "Love is patient and kind;  love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way;  it is not irritable or resentful;  it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."  I Cor. 13:4-7

The Amish dress differently and have separated themselves from the culture around them.  They look different and they live by the simple principle:  Love God and Love others.  Living this way we find ourselves in a spirit of love and peace.  We are more centered and contemplative and value community.  God's way truly change the way we live.  We treat others differently and in turn we look different in the world around us.  I may not wear Amish garb, but I desire to live in peace and love with those around me.  I pray that my "inner" light would shine through my English dress.

Living the Elijah Project: What is your BroomTree?

What is your BroomTree saying?
Yesterday I celebrated my 41rst Birthday.  Admittedly I didn't spend much time thinking.  I had two Birthday gatherings - lunch and dinner.  I celebrated a lot.  But along with "Happy Birthday", I received one universal comment:  "You look tired!"  It was a funny comment since one of my Birthday gifts was to sleep in while my husband put the kids on the bus!

I guess what really bothered me about the universal sentiment:  "you look tired" is that I felt tired.  I felt tired both physically and emotionally.  I had a lot of fun during the day... but I kept thinking how can I make the whirlwind of my life stop.

I did a little accounting in my head.  I have 3 major responsibilities before I get to go on vacation with my husband next week.  Although there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I'm only half way through the tunnel.

So, after a great day of celebration, I crawled into bed with a new book:  Stress Relief for Life by Dr. Mike Ronsisvalle.   Dr. Mike calls what I was feeling chronic stress.  And he believes it has been present since the Fall in the Garden of Eden.  It is not Gods design or desire but chronic stress is part of our broken existence.  Those words were somehow validating.  He also asserts that with God we can have "peace that passes understanding."  Dr. Ronsisvalle's words gave empirical research to back up many of my hunches and theories.

Satan seeks to destroy peace.  God desires to give peace.  Elijah's BroomTree was a space of quiet, rest and rejuvenation.  Although Elijah was separated from people, he was united with God.  Today God urges me to carve out time at my BroomTree.  Satan will throw up all sorts of road blocks.  He will delight in my distractions  Those distractions will lead to disconnection from God and fear  of approaching Him.  But God waits... as steady as an Oak Tree.  He will wait for me to curl up and unload under His sturdy branches.

My BroomTree is saying:  Come and I will give you rest.  Come, I see your exhaustion!  Come, my yoke is easy and my burden is light!  Come!

Living the Elijah Project: An anti-gravity chair for your soul!

This week at the Elijah Project group, we talked about finding a BroomTree.  Part of the conversation that emerged as we looked at our "who am I" picture was a sense that our hearts are often in need of care.

In the last blog, I talked about first aid for the soul.  This week I want to entertain the idea of supporting our hearts when they hurt.  One of our group members described it this way.  She said:  "I feel like my heart needs a sling."  As we were discussing our BroomTree... many in the group mentioned sitting on their porch or outside, listening to the birds, and sipping coffee or ice tea.  There is something about being outside engulfed in fresh air, hearing the stillness of nature that is healing.

Do you know what an anti-gravity chair is? anti-gravity sling for the soul.  What would that look like?  Using the force and inertia in our body and mind to actually hold our hearts up long enough to heal.

Many people are buying them for their decks and enjoying the feeling of hanging in the balance of the airodynamic technology.  As a group we laughed imagining an anti-gravity chair for our soul's.  For the sake of this blog, I will call it an

I believe there are some definitive steps to construct an anti-gravity sling for the soul.
When your hearts feel injured, fragile and precariously balanced... here is my advice:

*Look at who you are spending most of your time with?  
**Are you spending too much time alone?  If so, step in the direction of the safest, most loving and gentle person in your life.
**Are you spending time with people but constantly feel exhuasted?  Stop spending time with people who take and rest in the relationships that are mutual or the friends and family who have something to give you... right now!


*Stop Something?
**Think about soething you did in the last week that sucked the life out of you.  Stop or move away from those things.
***Put a time limit on a difficult client and get off the phone quicker than you have before.
***Leave work 15 minutes earlier than you did this past week. 
***Turn off your phone and car stereo for the ride home from work.


*Look at how your life is balanced?
**Spend at least 5 minutes a day doing something for you... reading, a bath, journal writing, a walk, etc.  Once you start it won't end at 5 minutes.

**Get some sleep.  Cancel a commitment or turn of the t.v..  Go to bed 8 hours before you need to get up.  I guarantee you will feel better after a good nights sleep.

I think you will be amazed how your heart feels when you care for it.  
Find the unique anti-gravity sling like activites for your soul.

This is your BroomTree for this week!

Living the Elijah Project

Since I began to teaching The Elijah Project on a regular basis I have been faced with a consistent a mirror of sorts... an audience.  I have found myself preparing to talk about rest and realizing that I was living the opposite of rest.  I have found myself saying:   “I am not an authority on rest.”  At first it felt un-nerving.  As I have pressed through it I have realized that although the principles of The Elijah Project are sound there is a definite next step needed.

I am calling it:  Living the Elijah Project.  Once a week for the next few months I am going to start writing the companion to The Elijah Project.  It is called Living the Elijah Project because once you understand the key principles and have your AHAH moments, you then need to practice and practice and practice living the journey.

So:  Welcome to a series of blogs called:  Living the Elijah Project!

It is May 2nd in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin and its snowing.  I just received a text message from our school district informing me the kids are released early from school.  My morning activities were already canceled due to weather and I found myself with 2 hours of unscheduled time which is very unusual.

As I am sitting still long enough to catch my own breath and reflect I am realizing a few things to kick off the next step of E.P..

1.   I think I want life to just STOP sometimes, so that I can catch up.  But the problem with the momentum switch is that when it stops, I lose focus, collapse, waste time watching t.v. and numb myself.  I wall myself off from looking at my heart.

2.  I think I want to just feel better.  And I do want to feel better, but the bandaid for my booboo’s doesn’t work anymore.  Just adding a layer of plastic to protect my wound from the outside world doesn't soothe my hurt.  I need some antiseptic.. which hurts because it is cleaning out the bacteria.  I need some Neosporin with pain relief to coat and comfort my abrasion.  Finally I need the bandaid to offer a shield from outside influence.  This is what the Elijah Project is truly all about.  Its not just a “feel good” bandaid.  It is a complete first aid kit for the hurting care givers heart.

3.  The Elijah Project First Aid approach is this:

a.  Antiseptic - the rubbing alcohol or cleanser that actually cleans out the wound.  It is the process of looking for the dirt and debris in my heart that needs to be cleaned out.  It is the hard work of opening the wound and looking for infection.  Where am I holding on to hurt?  Where am I responsible for negative thoughts?  What relationships are toxic right now?  What do I need to move away from so that infection does not grow?

b.  Neosporin - God’s word is a powerful cleanser.  It changes my perspective from internal to external.  Jesus’ consistently demonstrated a spirit of humility.  He put others before Himself.  He did not amass possessions or wealth instead He gave everything He had away including Himself.  When I stop long enough to look at the example of my leader... my perspective changes.

c.  Bandaid - that is the beautiful protective yet translucent shield God places over my heart.  I think it is the shield of the spirit which extinguishes the fiery darts of Satan.  The shield is necessary.  God’s shield is unique.  It is not a wall - that keeps good and bad out.  It is like the new clear bandaids.  It protects the skin from a new irritation and allows the light in.  Here is the kicker... we have to put it on.  Just like the bandaid does not magically unwrap itself and stick to your sore, the shield of the spirit does not magically appear.  God invites us to take up His shield.  We are an active part of inviting the Holy Spirit to guide, lead and protect and provide in our lives.  God will let us do it on our own... but His Holy Spirit way is much sweeter.

The Elijah Project #7: The Broom Tree

I would like to redefine the BroomTree.  Elijah finds himself in the desert huddled under a BroomTree.  He finds himself exhausted, worn out and depressed.  He has yelled at God while running a days journey into the wilderness.  He asked God to take his life.  He said:  "I have had enough, Lord,"  he said "Take my life;  I am no better than my ancestors."  I Kings 19:3  God gave Elijah a resting place, a BroomTree.

Elijah's BroomTree was literal.  It was a juniper tree that provided shelter  and covereing for Elijah during his deepest place of need.  The BroomTree looks very different for me.  I don't huddle under a tree, ever!  But my thick down comforter is a BroomTree.  I cover up, blankets to my chin and feel the thickness, the weight of my bed clothes.  I also find solace when I pull out my journal and write down everything I am feeling.  I meet Jesus when I walk out on the bike trail behind my house.  When I feel the breeze on my face, see the sun hanging in the sky and watch the water move under the bridge.  Those are my BroomTrees.

I give you permission to redefine your BroomTree.  Sit for a moment and imagine your safe spaces.  Make a plan to visit your BroomTree today... even if it is just for 5 minutes!

The Elijah Project #8: Hearing God's Voice

There is so much mystery around "hearing God's voice."  This weekend in our Sunday morning Bible Study our pastor asked the question:  "In what context do you learn the most about Jesus - where, when, how and why?"  The question invited interesting comments.  Most of the group said they heard from Jesus when they were suffering.  I listened to the lively discussion and insightful thoughts.  I realized that I learn most about Jesus, God, The Trinity when I stop long enough to meditate on a piece of Scripture. 

I read scripture all the time.  I do a minium of two devotions every morning with my kids and for myself.  I read scripture to prepare for Bible study, youth group and other teaching opportunities.  But I rarely read, stop and then journal about scripture.  For me this is where I get the full beauty, breadth and meaning of God's word.  This is when I hear God's voice.

As we wrap our study on Elijah's journey with God, Protector and Provider - we see a vision of God in 1 Kings 19:9-13.  God was not in the wind.  God was not in the earthquake.  God was not in the fire.  Instead, Elijah heard God as a gentle whisper.  God's revelation of Himself again reminds us that He doesn't barge into the chaos of the earthquake of our life.  He is present  and waits for the pause, speaking in a gentle whisper.

In order to hear His gentle whisper, we must participate by slowing down long enough to listen.

I pray this journey has  been as beneficial for you as it has been for me.

My Name is I AM

           Helen Mallicoat

I was regretting the past

And fearing the Future

Suddenly my Lord was speaking.

My name is I Am.

He paused... I waited.....

He continued....

When you live in the past 

With its mistakes and regrets it is hard.

I am not there.

My name is not I WAS

When you live in the Future

With its problems and Fears it is hard.

I am not there.

My name is not I WIll BE

When you live in this moment

It is not hard.

I am here.

My name is

I AM

The Elijah Project Extra: Owning My Story

This weekend I took a big risk.  I co-taught an art class with my friend Destiny Jackson.  I do not feel confident in my art creating ability.  I have not drawn with acrylic paint since second grade.  I painted with a brush and a plastic plate of paint this weekend. 

This is me with my painting at Altered Ego Art Studio, Eau Claire WI.  Wow!  Look at the freedom and joy on my face.

This weekend we did two different projects:
First we created a collage of being.  We cut pictures and words to create a picture that refelcts who we are.  Notice my eyes are "circles of love."  I really want to look at people through love.  And my mouth says:  "A smile is the shortest distance between two people." 

My daughter asked: "why the sandy foot toward the bottom of the picture?"  I had to think and ask myself: "Why the foot?"  I think I liked the sandy foot picture because it was fresh, adventurous and messy.  I feel like my life is like the salt water drenched foot dipped in sand.  And no matter how hard I shake my foot, I can't get the sand off. 

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."  Henry David Thoreau.

Finally, let me share my painting.  I decided to attempt to paint a broom tree... since afterall we are walking through Elijah's story and he found himslef alseep under a broom tree.  My tree is divided down the middle and drawn together with a heart.  This is kinda like my life.  Elijah calls out the people on Mount Carmel for "limping between two opinions."  I limp all the time.  When I am wrapped in the roots on the left of my picture - I find myself tangled up in pleasing, perfectionism and disconnection.  When I find myslef in that tangle my leaves look like a cage, a mirror with a horrified expression and a heavy weight on my back and shoulders.
On the other side (the right side of my tree)... when my roots are in God's word, living in His protection and provision my tree looks healthy.  My branches bear flowers, sparkles, birds tweeting truth and strength and my posture is open, with my heart enlarged and tipped toward God.

Faith is Courage!

When I truly trust God as my protector and provider... He fills me with courage to continue my journey of faith!

The Elijah Project #6: What am I Feeling?

After youth group a few weeks ago one of our students asked to show me something.  Her instructions were to fashion fear from pipecleaners.  I sat at the table and she placed a black blob spidery looking creature in front of me.  She then slowly pulled each pipe cleaner apart and assembled the word FEAR, pictured above. 

I love the fact that the figure of fear was a blob like spidery creature.  I think our feelings often feel like a blob.  It is difficult to figure out how to unpack our feelings.  Which are the primary feelings versus the secondary feeligns.

Today feel?

Feeling is dangerous.  It is scarey and sometimes we don't respond the way we want to when we open ourselves to our emotions.  It is easier to stay numb... then to truly feel.

I have a formula for feeling as an adult that is allowing me to process my emotion with less regret.  I am trying to LIVE the Fruits of the Spirit.  When I allow myself to feel within the fruit of love, joy, peace, pateince, kindness, gentleness and self-control, I live more freely and with less regret and guilt.  When I respond to fear with self-control... I stop and breath.  I walk away.  I close my mouth.  I pray in my head.  And then... I get in my car ALONE and let it go.  I yell, scream, rant, rave, cry and moan... and then through that I find the root which is usually not the symptom or the leaf that I was reacting to.

Stop.  Pause.  Breath.  Pray.  And then FEEL!

Below is my fear picture.  I drew solid black lines over my head... covering over the blue and green (the calm).  Fear clouds my mind so that I feel disconnected and alone.  God says He is peace!

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you.  I give to you and not as the world gives.  Don't be troubled or afraid."  John 14:27

The Elijah Project #5: The Idol Limp

"What's in your wallet?" Capitol One hopes you have their credit card in your wallet.  What are you leaning on?  Our culture sends us messages all the time the encourage us to provide for ourselves, our family and our businesses.  We are encouraged to take out life insurance policies, credit card protection, Life Lock!  And although there is nothing wrong with being responsible, it is easy to confuse worldly protection with God's protection.

We tend to think of idols as those small wooden statues that people bow down to in other cultures.  Americans have plenty of idols.  We have the worst idol of all The American Dream.  Now, before you get concerned that I am not a true American, rest at ease.  I love the philosophy of freedom we have in the United States.  What I am challenging is that the American Dream is God's Dream.  For a long time my dream was to get married, have children and secure a white picket fence.  I believe that God can be within those dreams.  The danger is... and I am guilty of it... is to take the credit for making the dream happen.  God's econoly is like this:  1) Trust Me; 2) Obey Me; 3) I will protect and provide; and 4) Give Me the credit (Glory).  That is what is missing in the American Dream.  We confuse our own industriousness with success and forget to give God the glory.

After Elijah's offering was incinerated on Mount Carmel the people responded:  "God, He is the God!"  God promises to protect and provide for us.  It often does not look the way I might hope, but His provision bring a prosperity of peace that rivals any temporary accomplishment the American Way.

What are you leaning on?  How are you providing for yourself?  Where can you invite God to protect and provide for you and your family... TODAY!

"I am a Wrecker"

This past weekend my kids and I went to see Disney's, Wreck-It Ralph.  We had seen the movie before but this time my ears heard it all differently.  Maybe it was all the time I spent thinking about shame and the power of shaming messages over the past two weeks.

During the introduction, Ralph describes himself as a "Wrecker."  He actaully says - "I am a Wrecker."  He identifies himself as someone who destroys everything around him.  He describes the hero of his game, Fix it Felix, as the good guy.  He says:  "If I had a magic hammer from my Father it would be easy."

I actually pulled out my phone and typed that last line into my notepad.  I was astounded.  Ralph muses that if only he had a "magic hammer from his father" his life would be better.  Later in the movie Ralph recites the Bad Guy Affirmation:  "I am bad and that is good."

  I sat back in my theater seat overwhelmed by the animated truth.

How often have I heard someone say or thought it myself:  If only I had this... then I could be that!

In this case Ralph identifies with the bad guy affirmation - which states that is OK to be bad and good to accept his fate.  This is a LIE.  God created us in His image.  We all have access to our Father's "magic hammer."  Our Father's "magic hammer" is the truth that we are new creations in Christ.  The old has passed away and the new has come.  We do not need to accept the bad.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made.  God's promises are the "magic hammer".  There are 3000 promises in the Bible.  The promises give us hope when we feel hopeless, peace when we feel anxious and love when we feel unloved.  Surely one of those promises can give you hope and a future.

May we share the good guy truths of God.  May we share our "magic hammer."  The gold hammer that magically fixes everything Felix touches.  That "magic hammer" is the truth in Love.  We have the ability to fix or destroy.  I want to use my "hammer" to fix, to heal, and to bring HOPE.

"For God so loved the world that He gave his only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have Everlasting Life."  John 3:16 

May we add the "magic hammer" to our toolkit and be people of peace, hope and love!  For God says the greatest of these is LOVE!

The Elijah Project #4: Safe People

Who has my ear? I have been asking myself this question lately. Who do I listen to and who's words do I most value? Unfortunately I don't really like the answer. Many times I desire the approval of people so much that I use very little discernment when I listen. I put certain people's voices higher on the value meter than others. I guess this would be good if I discerned to check the words of those voices with the WORD OF GOD. But many times I don't. Many times the words of others are valued more than the word of God. Ughh. I hear the voice of the critic louder, stronger and allow those words to go on repeat before the gentle words of God. This is the way that Satan deceives me. The perfectionist pleaser in me hears the words that press me to work harder, serve longer and idolize approval. God is inviting me to stand up and stand firm grounded in His word. The more I am nurturing the Christ-follower in me by enveloping myself in His word, the more grounded I become. And the easier it is to discern when the words I hear are from the "pit of Hell." Today we have a choice. We can walk in the promises of God and we can encourage others to do the same. Or we can give our ear to the whim of the critic which allows Satan to set up residence in our soul. God is waving to us. God is cheering for us. He is inviting me to climb under His wing of protection and listen to His promise of provision. "Like an eagle protecting its nest, hovering over its young, God spread out his wings, took hold of Israel, carried him on his back." Deuteronomy 32:11

The Elijah Project #3: What's Wrong with Me?

The Elijah Projects goal is to facilitate a process of soul searching so that we might rest. I have had many times in my life when I felt exhausted but I could not sleep. I felt worn out but I couldn't get my mind to stop racing. Elijah's story is thousands of years old and yet it still rings true. This week we are talking about shame. I Kings 17:18 breaks into the widow's story. After losing her precious son she asks: "What do you have against me, man of God? Did you come to remind me of my sin and kill my son?" This is a shame reaction. The widow falls prey to the universal question: "Am I being punished today for the wrong in my past?" It is nearly impossible to find rest when the tapes in our heads play on repeat... cataloging our wrong. This is Satan's trap. He takes our sin, mistakes, wrong and then deceives us to believe that that wrong is us, rather than a mistake. The truth of the gospel is that in Christ, we are FREE. We are responsible to deal with the consequences of our mistakes but when we ask for forgiveness Jesus throws our wrong as far as the east is from the west. Try something with me. Turn your neck to the left or right, whichever side has more mobility. Strain your neck to look between your shoulder blades. TRY REALLY HARD! Can you see that spot right between your shoulder blades about 1/2 way down your back. NO, unless you are a Cirque du Soleil gymnast you shouldn't be able to see that spot on your body! That is where God moves our wrong. He moves it so no matter how hard He might strain He can not see it. God didn't have to do that, He chose to give us a way to freedom. Satan uses shame to keep us trapped. He uses shame to attempt to name us, to identify us as being something wrong. For instance someone who tells a lie is a liar. God does not name us by our wrong. He sees us as "fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. Today... take a step toward the truth. Identify where you are feeling shamed. Invite God to reveal your true identity and your name. This is not easy. It takes a great deal of vulnerability. It requires us to be honest with what we have done wrong and take a courageous step to ask God to forgive us. God is our Protector and our Provider. In Him we find our strength. I encourage you to identify one of the many names for God to cling to today: Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Fisher of Men, Potter, Restorer, Alpha and Omega, King of Kings. For more work on this subject take a look at pages 15-18 of The Elijah Project Workbook.

The Elijah Project #2: The Brook Dries Up!

"There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: A right time for birth and another for death." Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 MSG We meet Elijah in the Kerwith Valley being fed by ravens and drinking from the brook. Next the brook dries up and God gives Elijah direction where to go next. He promises to protect and provide for Elijah. I have a very difficult time letting go of things. I think I would have struggled with the brook dried up. I probably would have moved up stream to make sure the water was "really gone." My husband calls me a "finisher". I think I'm a fighter that won't let things die. I've just recently got better at letting things end. My desire to "please people" gets in the way of God's best sometimes. I find myself fighting so much to be liked, that I lose myself in the process. I am more aware of my tendency toward "people pleasing" than ever. My synapse gap between feeling like pleasing and doing what is right has narrowed. But I still find endings difficult. I particularly watch my self-awareness and boundaries evaporate when I am under increased stress. In section 2 of the Elijah Project we recommend completing the Holmes/Rahe stress test. This simple test can be accessed at: http://www.stress.org/holmes-rahe-stress-inventory It is important to recognize your stress level as it is a predictor of your emotional resilience. This session we are focusing on identifying what we need to "end". Webster defines endings as: "The part of an area that lies at the boundary. Or a point that marks the extent of something." People can become exhausted. God is the only all-powerful, eternal, in-exhaustible resource. Trusting in God as our Protector and Provider signals an end to our self-reliance. This is the first step as we evaluate where we are protecting and providing for ourselves and where we need to invite God to take over. Take a few minutes to evaluate what you are hanging on to. Identify what you need to end in your life today!

The Elijah Project: Who am I?

Last blog I shared that I am working through The Elijah Project in a group setting. The first activity is called: Who am I? We spent some very valuable time drawing pictures of how we felt. I very seldom spend time coloring. I've decided that coloring all by itself is cathartic. Below is a copy of my picture from last weeks group.

My daughter just looked over my shoulder and asked: "Mommy why does your doll picture have x's on the eyes?" Last week when I colored this picture I felt all kinds of different feelings. One of the valuable parts of doing self-care and introspective work is that we get to take a snap shot of what we are feeling at that moment in time. Our feelings very well may change the next moment - but it is a picture of what we are feeling then. Last week when I drew x's over my eyes it was because I genuinely felt that I could not see clearly. I knew that I was mis-perceiving the feelings, needs and even criticism those around me. *I also wrote squiggles out of my mouth. That was because I knew I had lost my governor. I was allowing things to flow out of my mouth with out checking it first. One of my symptoms of exhaustion is speaking before thinking. In fact if I was a better artist I would draw hands at my mouth grabbing my words and putting htem back in my mouth. *I drew red squiggles on my forehead because I had a headache. I still have a headache. Obviously identifying that I'm exhausted has not "fixed" it all yet. *I drew purple bands with an arrow to my shoulders because I hold all my tension in my shoulders and they were... ARE tight. *I drew a yellow outline around my figure because I honestly feel good about my choices over the past few months - even though I am tired, I feel I have lived life well! *I colored my arms and legs because I feel generally all over connected. *Finally I gave myself a proportional heart because my heart is definitely there. I feel it! I encourage you to take some time to draw a picture - a snap shot of how you are feeling TODAY!

The Elijah Project: Just Jump In!

The Elijah Project (My Protector, My Provider) is designed to meet the needs of people who tirelessly serve others. The Elijah Project provides resources for you, the precious caregiver to rest and renew your soul. Last Tuesday I began a journey with five individuals at New Day Yoga and Wellness, to exit the whirlwind called life and rest in God's arms. The group members were each seeking healing from different things. We had one thing in common. We agreed to slow down one evening a week for the next eight weeks and evaluate how we feel, what we think and where we want to go in our lives. When I returned home last Tuesday night, I felt relaxed and little less burdened. I felt hopeful. I also felt like I wanted to share the process with those who could not attend the group or the Live Hope Restored Gathering we are hosting at Green Lake Conference Center (February 15-16th). So, for the next eight weeks I am going to share a "read along". A time for you to stop, reflect and process where you are in life and where you are going. The best way to introduce the work is by sharing from heart to yours. Andrea's story: Last Tuesday night I was far from the expert on rest. I entered the room to facilitate group from one of the most exhausted places I have been in a long time. Over the past six months I had shared my home with 8-12 people at a time. I seriously set the table every night for an average of 10 people. It was messy, lovely, intense and heartwarming. Over the Holidays we had visits from my side of the family and Perry's side of the family. Again - messy, lovely, intense, and heartwarming. I wouldn't change a thing. During this time I finished writing my latest book: My Protector, My Provider. I prepared for our annual board gathering in Chicago. I also continued to be a wife, mother, sister, daughter, professional and friend. Sometimes I filled those roles well and sometimes poorly. But in order to be honest, I have to admit that I was emotionally exhausted. Pooped! I needed everything to stop. I needed to rest my head (both physically and mentally). I tell you all of this because I am not approaching this project as an expert. NO! Instead I am joining you as a co-laborer or journey-woman. I am excited to learn, grow and blossom by taking some time to identify - WHO I AM? today and WHO I WANT TO BE TOMORROW! So... download the workbook: www.touchedtwiceunited.org or purchase a book for $10 and plunge in! Just jump in!!!!